Building Connection
Integrated Growth team sharing a moment of connection
The Key Ingredient to More Resilient Teams, Stronger Performance, & Greater Results
Have you ever heard of the Frequency Illusion? Whether you know it by name or not, I’m fairly certain most of us have experienced it at one time or another.
The term refers to the idea that when you are introduced to a concept or are thinking of something clearly, it seems to appear more frequently in your life. Some call this the Law of Attraction, others call it a coincidence.
It first came to my attention when my husband and I bought our first family car. It was a new 2001 white Subaru (yep, I’m that old). I really had never noticed white Subarus before that. All of a sudden they were everywhere I turned.
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about connection; connection with my purpose, my team members, my family, friends and community. Yep, you guessed it, I’m finding this topic popping up in several conversations and written materials seemingly everywhere I go. It feels as though I’m hearing the same comments and feedback in my social circles, and — most of all — from our clients. Our clients all seem to be experiencing the same feeling in one way or another lately.
A lack of connection.
Recent staff interviews on behalf of a coaching client, for example, revealed that several of that client’s colleagues longed for ways to collaborate with people from other departments; they wanted the chance to talk to new people, detach from their worn-out routines, and formulate fresh ideas that might lead to innovations or just simply better ways of working together.
In our recent preparation for a Board Retreat we are creating space for connection between Board and Leadership Team members while re-connecting to the organization’s mission and vision in hopes of reigniting their passion and commitment through personal and organizational purpose. We’ll explore their ‘WHY’ behind being on the Board, how that has changed over time (if it has), and how each player wants to contribute their talents to the shared vision.
And just this afternoon, a colleague of mine shared her own experiences with her clients who all seem to be suffering from not having enough access to collaborate with their teammates, resulting in stagnant performances.
Again and again, our team is finding that more often than not, the root of many of the challenges that our clients are facing seem to tie back to a lack of connection — and I’m convinced it’s anything but an illusion.
In their book, Connectable: How Leaders Can Move Teams from Isolated to All In, Ryan Jenkins and Steven Van Cohen share incredible insights (and heart-wrenching statistics) on the importance of connection at work — going so far as to say that connection is the most valuable workplace currency. And for good reason. According to their research, 72% of the world’s workforce feels lonely on a monthly basis, and over half feel so weekly.
That means that billions of people go to work every week feeling, in some way, alone, and therefore unsupported. It makes you wonder what kind of effect this has on their performances.
Jenkins and Van Cohen have something to say about that, as well. They reference a study where individuals stand at the bottom of a hill and assess its steepness. According to the findings, people who stood at the bottom of the hill alone estimated the hill to be 30% steeper than those who stood at the hill together with another person.
Having a single companion improved their outlook on a difficult situation by nearly a third. Imagine what having the active support of a whole team could do.
To me, this is a wonderful example of human nature; regardless of our personality types, our personal identifications, or our lived experiences, humans are by nature social creatures. In my 30+ years of coaching teams — and even more as a human being living in this often-challenging world — it’s become clear to me that people are far more likely to perceive things in a positive light when they are connected with others; if isolation is a blight to a person’s success, then connection is its fertile soil.
Connection allows us to create spaces where resilience, optimism, and confidence grow; where people are able to be authentic and transparent about their experiences, to interact in ways that allow communication to flow freely between one another, and to frame setbacks as just mere setbacks, not failures. This is the type of environment where goals are met, employees feel fulfilled, and profits soar.
But in a time that feels defined by remote work and virtual relationships, how do we even begin to create workspaces that allow our teams to feel the connection that they are biologically wired to receive?
We must build ways to access it. On purpose.
Make Connection a Routine
One of our global clients — a large organization with team members spread far and wide — recently requested that we lead a ‘first ever’ in-person retreat. In doing our due-diligence talking with some of the team members we are receiving feedback that many team members are feeling the effects of isolation, affecting how they experience and show up for work. Because they work across many regions, many remote, they report that up to 85% of the team has never met, and when they do interact, they do so briefly online. Some, we learned, don’t use cameras nor have their photo on their intranet, and therefore don’t even know what their teammates look like. It’s no wonder they want to feel more connected, to simply know each other, and to feel heard and seen by each other.
You better believe we are building in time to connect as individuals and team members in a way that will form a foundation for ongoing connection. A pivotal part of this strategy will allow them to create regular instances of connection; this could be anything from implementing bi-weekly virtual team lunches and morning feedback sessions to creating a team buddy system for more frequent support. Creating a pattern of consistent connection will be a great tool for their team members to lean into and rely on, and it’s a great place to start for anyone wanting to build a more stable connection on their own team.
Ask for Input
One of my colleagues once worked for one of the largest, most well-known brands in the United States, with hundreds of employees across the nation. She happened to work for one of their largest chapters, and often felt that the sheer size of her team made it difficult for her to connect with people. One of the things that she says helped her may be one of the simplest solutions I’ve come across.
She’d ask people for their input.
Sometimes she would ask for peoples’ thoughts on complex projects, but often, she would simply ask for their opinions or insight on smaller initiatives or tasks, whether they were a part of her immediate team or not. What this did, she realized, was give her an excuse to have regular interaction with a myriad of people from different departments. As time went by, those small interactions grew into connections that she was able to lean on when she found herself in a bind (locking herself out of the office building at night with her cell phone stuck inside, for instance), or sought advice for difficult situations, or even just needed a friendly face after a long day.
Jenkins and Van Cohen talk about the most powerful 4 words to override loneliness. “I need your help”. These 4 words help others feel important, involved, and connected. So next time you sense a team member feeling a bit disconnected, reach out and ask for their help. Especially if you can tie that request to something you know they are passionate about, this will indeed help them re-connect. Then show your appreciation and gratefulness for their contribution. People need to feel needed, valued, and appreciated!
Check In More Than You “Need” To
This suggestion is similar to the previous one, but is particularly useful to team leaders, especially if you’re managing a remote team. Creating opportunities to check in with your team members — and for them to check in with each other — is vital in building a foundation of connection. As a leader, not only do you set the tone for how the rest of your team interacts with each other, but you also have the ability to set a framework for communication; you can create partnerships on your team that ensure everyone has someone to lean on, or start each meeting with fun icebreakers to get your employees out of their shells. There are countless ways to check in and be present; as a leader, you have the power to set that example so that others may follow. Be creative!
A dear friend and colleague is the author of the book, Virtual Teams for Dummies, written prior to the pandemic. Tara Powers offers solid advice for leaders to bridge the communication gap created by geographical separation. These same tools can be used on any team endeavoring to connect more deeply to achieve peak performance.
The Point of It All
Jenkins and Van Cohen in their recent live podcast sighted that connection only takes 40 seconds. If you’re like me, you may occasionally think, “I don’t have time to connect!” But remember — 40 seconds! We can all spare 40 seconds. Because it’s not always the amount of time that matters; it’s that kind look, that caring question, that sharing of a personal experience that relates to what someone else is feeling.
There is a lot of talk about vulnerability these days, and in some ways, perhaps it’s gone too far or has been perceived in such a way that you feel pressure to share too much of yourself.
But that’s not the point.
Vulnerability simply means being human — sharing our experiences in such a way that connects us as human beings, not as cogs in the wheels of our work. It doesn’t mean you have to share your deepest, darkest secret (unless you want to and it feels right for yourself and others). It means showing empathy and transparency in a way that feels authentic to you, taking one step closer to connection.
Here’s to connection!
Integrated Growth specializes in organizational effectiveness and leadership consulting. We build award winning leadership development programs, facilitate strategic planning and team development initiatives, and provide coaching for leaders and their teams.
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AUTHOR – Gretchen Reid is the Founder and Chief Change and Leadership Architect for Integrated Growth. She has spent over 25 years coaching leaders and creating award-winning Leadership and Talent Development Programs, directly contributing to multiple awards for her clients, including Fast Company’s 50 Most Innovative Companies, Forbes America’s Best Employers List, Forbes Best Employer for Diversity, and ASTD BEST. She is an Adjunct Professor of Change Management in the Strategic HR Masters Program, Denver University, University College. (MS, Career and Human Resource Development, Rochester Institute of Technology, BA, Psychology & Business Management, University of Rochester)